Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
