i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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