As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
