There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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