Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
