I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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