Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
