what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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