just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
