You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
