P.S. I can't hear my feet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
