Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize