I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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