The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
