So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
