You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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