How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
