Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
