How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
