my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
