hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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