My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
