Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
