I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
