Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
40s are totally the cure
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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