The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
