it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
