I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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