Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
