You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
