If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
