Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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