sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize