did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
