I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she peed on how many people?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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