So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
