you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We named our party play list daddy issues
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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