I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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