Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
