Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
