I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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