i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
