i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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