I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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