Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
