a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
