found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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