i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
