Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
