so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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