I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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