My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize