My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
