Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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