you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
