Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
