I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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