i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
