I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
