I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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