There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
