i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
