HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
