i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize