either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
