My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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