Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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