I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
