i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
