How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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