my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
