i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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