did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
