I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
