Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
