gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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